I am a woman who was overcome by her past. I am a woman who has struggled to find my identity, value and significance. Anxiety was my secret lifestyle. On the outside I appeared to be a successful Christian wife and mom with a great business sales career, but on the inside I silently battled worry, doubt, and significances. My childhood was difficult. My mother attempted marriage many times, but never found the forever spouse and that had a profound impact on identity and worth. An impact that I would have to break free from.
The inner battle to find meaning, purpose, and identity intensified as I got older. The ideal life became my unobtainable goal, and that led to more anxiety as I fixated on controlling the uncontrollable. Then my marriage…it has always been hard for me. We both brought baggage, and the first 10 years of our marriage was deeply painful. It would take years just to regain back my self-worth and self-esteem. Only God could heal and restore my marriage.
I wanted desperately to rid myself of this anxious, fearful lifestyle, but I knew no other life…it was familiar and even normal to me. My inner world was massive, loud and lonely. Jesus, my Savior, didn’t give me instant healing, but He began to lead me on a journey to discover my true identity. Uncovering one lie at at time and replacing it with truth…that has been the catalyst to reclaiming my life and overcoming my anxiety.
Yes, it is true I am a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a writer, a bible student, a homeschool teacher, a business career woman, a group leader and a woman overcoming anxiety and fear…but when all is stripped away and I am alone with myself the only “who” I am that matters is the “who” I am that God says I am. And God calls me His child. I’ve know it for years, but it’s taken walking on this long, steep, stormy road with Him to truly comprehend and digest how marvelous it is to be a child of God.
With Christ I am strong and brave. With Christ I am no longer defined by my childhood, my marriage, my shortcomings, or who the world says I am. I am simply a loved. It is His love for me that has given me the strength to walk forward, confront my anxiety head-on, face my fears and pursue the dreams God built into my DNA. So while there are many details of life that describe me, they are not who I am…for who I am is summed up in six words: A child of the Living God.