A Raw, Authentic Peek into One Woman’s Battle with Cancer
Nikki is an amazing woman who faced everyone’s worst fear…cancer. In this guest post, she shares openly and honestly about her struggle with fear, and how her faith got her through it. If you are facing cancer, I pray that Nikki’s story will touch your heart, give you courage and draw you closer to Jesus.
The Diagnosis Day
On November 27th, 2019, I heard the word no one ever wants to hear…cancer. The week prior I had a mole removed from my back that my husband had noticed had changed. My doctor was not overly concerned but wanted to be conservative and did a shave biopsy. The following week, as I stood in line for my three young children to see Santa, I received a phone call that I had melanoma. I am a 33- year-old, organic loving, no toxins allowed, homeschool mom who had cancer.
Overwhelmed with Fear
That night, I cried like I never had cried before. Every thought possible wreaked havoc on my mind. Would I see my children grow up? How long do I have? How do I plan my own funeral? Can I still homeschool if I have to do chemotherapy? I fell asleep crying in my husband’s arms. I woke up around 3:00 am overwhelmed with immense fear. All I could do was cry and pray, “God, please, if it is your will, please, heal me.”
The Peace of God Beyond Understanding
In the following weeks I met with a surgical oncologist and prepared for a surgery to remove the cancer and see if it had spread into my lymph nodes. I had no control at all. I could not change what was happening. Fear continued to consume me. However, our God is not a God of fear! Through His Word and through the prayers of other saints, I received a peace that only He can provide. There were moments of sheer panic, but I could take my thoughts captive and invite Jesus to help me. Y’all, He never failed. He always showed up. The beautiful way He showed up was often through His people. Not only spiritually, but also emotionally and physically. I could feel being lifted up by the body of Christ.
Cancer Forced Stillness and Time to Lean into God
A dear friend of mine gave me Lysa TerKeurst’s newest book “It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way”. This book brought and continues to bring great comfort to me. In her book, Lysa says, “When you live slow for a season, the Son has access to the parts of you normally covered up by every day put-ons.” Anyone who knows me knows being still is difficult. It drives my poor husband nuts. He will want to snuggle on the couch but all I can see are dirty floors. I can count on one hand how many “days off” I’ve had in 10 years and they usually required a fever and/or stomach flu. After my surgery, I was forced to do nothing for two weeks. I had a 5-inch incision down my back along with a 2.5-inch incision under each arm from my lymph node biopsy. I could not raise my arms to dress, wash my hair, or pick up my toddler. I could not sweep, cook, or do laundry. This was hard y’all, but it was good. I needed to just be still and allow people to love and help me. This forced me to take some much-needed time to be with the Lord. Though I have had a consistent walk with Him for many years, in depth study was not something I was always able to accomplish. Lysa’s book is filled with truths from God’s Word to dissipate fears, worry, and even lies from the enemy. I could read these words sent straight from my Savior and hear Him remind me that He loves me, and His plan is good, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
God Has a Detailed Plan
Another beautiful detail was the season in which I went through this trial. The actual season of winter, awaiting Christmas. I have read Louie Giglio’s advent journal titled “Waiting Here for You” for the past 3 years. I believe it was no coincidence I started my advent book the night before I got my diagnosis. As we awaited the celebration of the birth of our Savior, my family also awaited daunting news that could change our lives forever. Those 4 weeks of waiting were surrounded by the good news of the gospel and the promise that Christ has defeated the grave.
The Waiting Was Over!
Praise God, three weeks after my surgery, we received news that the cancer had not spread. What I’ve learned through this process is my faith must be found in Christ and His good plan for my life. Fear robs us of all kinds of joy and peace. It is the opposite of clinging to God’s truth. I will walk in faith, even into the unknown.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” Isaiah 43:18-19
Love in Christ,
Thank you Nikki for an amazing guest post! Your honesty and humility is bound to encourage others.
Chicken IN Today,