In this guest post, Monica shares her journey to find faith while struggling with a chronic illness. At times, fear has overwhelmed her, but as she will share…God is bigger than any mountain we might face, and faith is a choice.
How can this be?
Haven’t I prayed hard enough for this?
When I was diagnosed with a chronic illness five years ago, life took a very sudden turn. I went from a healthy thirty year old woman, to one who is dependent on medical devices, needles and syringes, and my diary filled up quickly with medical appointments. I had a young child and just could not see where this was heading. I just couldn’t see the positives in all of this, despite many health care professionals telling me that there was hope, and I simply had to accept this and live as healthy as I could.
Fast Forward Five Years
Yes, I am still living this chronic illness out, and yes, I am still waiting and praying for the day our God miraculously delivers me from this illness.
Today, I can talk about it and laugh about it, without shedding a tear. Today, I have moments when I thank God for all the medical doctors and medical equipment that is keeping me healthy and alive. I have moments when I thank God for giving me the ability to be a mother to two beautiful little girls. I thank God for all that He has done in and through me and is still doing with me…
But two years ago, this wasn’t the case.
I was at a crossroads of fear and faith.
I have listened to countless messages on faith and fear. Yet, I come to this place often. The nights seem to be the time of day when I usually get to the point of feeling helpless. Fear is so gripping, and if you have felt fear in your life, you would know how much it can control you. Fear takes over your mind. Fear grips you in the chest. Fear tells you that there is no HOPE. Fear makes you feel hopeless.
Gut Wrenching Fear…
I remember clearly that one night when it got so bad, I cried myself to sleep. It was fear of the unknown of my future health. Despite me looking after myself well, I had irrational thoughts filling my head. It was all too much to bear.
Fear is No Match for God
But our God is bigger than the mountains we face. That revelation didn’t come easy. It was through constant prayer and time with God, that His gentleness and love for me became evident. He spoke to me through His word, and through many pastors that I have encountered. He spoke to me in the stillness of the nights; the nights when all felt hopeless, He spoke words of comfort into my spirit.
One thing I had to do was this…I had to choose FAITH. I had to choose faith, daily.
I had to pray against the negative thoughts and take capture the negative words that filled my mind. I had to walk towards my mountain and believe that He who created me, is greater than the mountains I face.
Faith is Bigger than Fear
When I was able to daily choose faith, I realized that fear and faith cannot exist together.
How can I say that my God is bigger than my mountain and yet not believe that He will help me face my mountain of fear and uncertainties? How can I say I have faith when I don’t trust Him to take me through it. Does He not say that He will never leave me nor forsake me? Does He not say that He will strengthen me and help me? Does He not say that He is with me?
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)
Faith is a Choice
At that crossroads of fear and faith, He gives us free will to choose. And I needed to choose faith. There is freedom in that choice. Choosing faith doesn’t mean we don’t feel fear. But choosing to walk in faith is us saying…
‘ I trust you God; I trust you to take me through this; I trust that there is something greater that will be revealed through this.’
Walking in faith is us saying, ‘ We trust you to be in control, Lord.’
You Can Choose Faith Too…
If you are at a crossroads of fear and faith, I encourage you to spend time in His presence. I encourage you to choose faith. It is a daily decision that you will have to make. Tell the enemy each morning that you are choosing to walk in faith with Him, who is your refuge and strength. Let Him uplift you my dear friend, He will.
We cannot run from life. Life will throw many negatives at us; the enemy will try to derail us with negative emotions, anger, grief, sickness and disappointments. But we have Him. We have His strength in and amidst all of the daily turmoils. Hold on to these words;
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7
Let us decide to choose Faith. Faith brings with it hope and comfort; something fear cannot provide.